Because Blogger's "Adult warning" often goes into a perpetual loop (isn't working properly), I will be making all new posts at my WordPress blog. You can follow it even if you do not have a WordPress Account. There're also my Twitter and my Tumblr blog, my Facebook and my Google+ page and my group.
(Update: Blogger hasn't fixed its problem with the "adult warning". Will go back to posting at my WordPress blog)

Friday, May 10, 2013

Devious morality

You know, I try hard to be a good person.  I try to be kind, to be generous, to be a giver not a taker, not to lie, not to be cruel, not to stab ppl in the back, not to be spiteful or horrible.  To think of others, to try and make the world a better place, even if just a little.  I don't always succeed.  I get grumpy, lose my temper, whinge far too much, resent others.

But the one thing which I have consistently been condemned for is my sexuality.  My behaviour.  Oh, the condemnation hasn't always been overt.  But it's there.  Silent disdain and disapproval. Or more open disgust  and anger.   Of me.  For what I am.  Not for being immoral.  Not because I am dishonest or a thief or unkind or vicious.  But because I am gay.  I am looked down on, despised, rejected.   So-called friends have unceremoniously dumped me when I came out to them.   Because of something innate in me.  Because of what I am.  To these ppl (and there are so many of them), my morals don't matter.  All that matters is that I am gay.  That I am not like other men.  That I am queeny.  All the good I try to do, all the aspects of my character and personality which may be funny or useful or valuable or interesting, all are set at nothing when it comes to my sexuality and my behaviour.

All my life.  All my fucking life.  Oh, they'll tell you things are getting better.  And they are.  But I don't mix with 18 year olds.  The ppl who are not supposed to care any more.  Those I meet and talk to are a decade or two either side of my age.  And they might in public say all the right things.  But I can see what they're thinking.  And they do not approve.  Especially men.  The worst in a way are those gay or bi men who should know better, but still can't set aside their conditioning, their thoughtless and unthinking taboos.  The pretend-straights.

And so I grow ever more dyspeptic, ever more angry at the judgmental, irrational prejudices against ppl like me, ever more withdrawn from the world.  And that is such an irony.  Because I actually like ppl.

Oh well.  I was going to put this on my diary, my secret place where I can rant at the world.  But WTF.

Enjoy.  :-)

And now I'm going and do something mindless and soporific, like watch Miss Marple.


2 comments:

Liz/moth said...

I've never been able to understand why or how anyone ends up despising or disdaining or hating anyone else for something innate, whether it's gender, race, sexuality, ability of some kind, etc. But I know they do - and all I can do is express my regrets on behalf of some of the human race and remind you that we aren't all like that!

Nikolaos said...

Thank you Liz. :-) I know there are many exceptions.