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Monday, July 27, 2015

Monday morning

My little dog, 14 years ago

It's very cold (2 C) and dark and the beginning of the week.  Today I go to get the referral for the colonoscopy and gastroscopy.  That's where they stick a fibre-optic cable up and down you to look at your colon and your stomach, respectively.  It's horrid, the whole process horrible.  Bleagh.  But at least it's me and I know what's happening.  A much worse thing this week is that I'll be taking my dog down for his last visit to the vet.  He's quite senile now, and he's becoming distressed all the time.  He's been my loyal and loving friend for 16 years, more loyal than so many of my human friends.  He's loved me with judging, he's forgiven me when I've been grumpy.  And now it's time.

I can't bear it.

The man who walked through hell

Every gay man over a certain age has stories to tell of prejudice, disdain, contempt, unhappiness, loneliness, of being an outsider, of being shunned and excluded.  In my own life, the way I have been treated by straights, by the crackpot religious has scarred me, physically (I am blind in one eye as a result of bullying at school, and I was bullied because I was "effeminate"),  and mentally.  

But mankind is hateful to mankind.  This interesting article tells the story of a man who was imprisoned by the Japanese and forced to endure intolerable things, yet has somehow survived and is happy.  He does what I try to do, which is to focus of the good things.  Life brings good and bad, joys and woes.  This doesn't excuse the vile behaviour of the bigots and the narrow-minded religious fanatics.  But it's how we live that matters.  And to be happy we must count our blessings, not just all the bad things in our lives.

Sunday, July 26, 2015


I've been off-line for a month or so, now.  I've been unwell (going for some more tests in 2 weeks' time); depressed; tired.  All that stuff.

Maybe the problem is simple: old age.  I'll be 64 in a few weeks.  And when I say "old age", I mean the way in which life wears us out.  The death of family and friends, of the little dogs we love.  The realisation that no matter how hard you try, ppl are still going to be bigoted and nasty.  The wear and tear of constantly struggling against debts and poverty.  My lady was saying how once we would have bounced back from adversity.  Ah, the resilience of youth!  Now, when things go wrong it's so hard to find the energy to get going again.

Maybe it's that I am unfit.  A desk job; too much wining and dining with clients, not enough exercise (because of sore knees).  On which principle, since I am now swimming 40 lengths (1 km) 3 or 4 times a week, things should improve!  We'll see.  At least I'm losing weight again.

So ... a picture of Venice, a city which fascinates me, which I've never visited, but which I hope to see, one day.