Interview with Ex-Gay Survivor

An interview with Jacob Wilson, who was subjected to "treatment" in the Christianist ex-gay program, "Love in Action".

A fascinating and revealing insight into internalised homophobia and self-deceit and how you just don't "get zapped by the straight gun".  These people in effect teach you to kill part of yourself, and you then project that self-hatred against others.

As he says:  "part of myself died inside" and  "it gave me a critical and hateful heart."  The Christian-Fascists just can't see how the whole program is un-loving and hateful.  Jacob Wilson managed to escape the clutches of these loonies.  And survived one suicide attempt.  But others don't.




[From BoxTurtleBulletin]

Majorca Flats -- 97

Jason turned his head and stared at her.

She nodded her head and looked away, just as Jason had done a moment before.

“My son was … gay. We didn't call it that then. We called it homo or queer. I suppose I always knew in my heart he was … He was a dear little boy, so bright and sparky and full of beans. He loved dressing up, acting, playing the fool. He had so much energy and zest. He brightened the room. Whenever he appeared, people would smile.

“The first few years at school were fine. Little boys haven't learnt to be the critical creatures they become when they get to the late teen years. He was happy, did a lot of smiling and laughing and still had that wicked sense of humour and joie de vivre which made him so lovable. Of course, a mother loves her children anyway. And certainly I loved him.

“The trouble started when he was 14 or so. I think it was then that he realise he was … gay. The other boys realised it too. How cruel people are! They made his life a misery; bullying him; mocking him; cruelly, horribly taunting him. My little boy went from being funny, clever, kind … to a sullen, silent, angry young man.

“I should have intervened then. I should have taken him out of the school. I should have talked to the school. Instead I said to myself that he had to toughen up, that this was making a man out of him, and that he had to endure this because worse might happen in life.”

She looked away, her mouth hard, her eyes wet.

First Majorca Flats post      Previous MF post (#96)       Next MF post(#98)

Majorca Flats Episodes 1 to 10

Majorca Flats Episodes 11 to 20

Majorca Flats Episodes 21 to 30

Majorca Flats Episodes 31 to 40 

Majorca Flats Episodes 41 to 40 

Majorca Flats Episodes 51 to 60 

Majorca Flats Episodes 61 to 70

Majorca Flats Episodes 71 to 80  

Majorca Flats Episodes 81 to 90

It gets better

If you've been bullied and tormented at school, the scars never really go away, but it does get better.  Don't despair, don't give up.

This great post from the gay author Rick Reed discusses his experiences.

And this Youtube post from Dan Savage and his husband shows you again that you'll survive.  You'll more than survive -- you'll flourish. 



Once you leave high school, you escape the bullies and arseholes.  Oh, they're still around.  But they lose their power over you.

I still find it hard to go into a room full of strange men.  I still bear the scars of being remorselessly and continually bullied for years.  I survived.  You will too.

(The pic's from GayTwoGether)

More Gay Suicides

I know a guy who, because he had an easy time with growing up gay, maintains that prejudice against gays, especially gay teens, is over.

Alas not. Hunter's latest blog post details some more gay teen suicides and the lily-livered and shameful response of the education authorities, following up on my previous post about this topic.

I suffered misery at school. I was an outsider, I was gay (though I didn't know it), I was effeminate. I was beaten up nearly every day. The scars still remain, physical and mental. I am partially blind in one eye as a result of bullying. I am still afraid to go into a room of strange men. I never go to a bar by myself, for example. I used to try everything I could not to go to school. For me my days at school were very far from the happiest days of my life.

It's shameful that lonely unhappy people can find no one to turn to, that their teachers, fellow pupils, and even the churches do not help. Love one another as I have loved you. Yeah, right.

[The painting comes from Joe Clarke's blog]