New Year Resolutions

1. Lose weight
2. Be happy
3. Drink less
4. Judge others less
5. Try to be more forgiving

So many of the people I loved have gone.  This is life, is it not?  So I must adjust myself to it, because sure as phuque it's not going to change for me.

So I mustn't judge people for their cruelties and wrong-doing.    That'll be hard: some I will never forgive.  But I know in my heart just how flawed I am.  Surely I can extend forgiveness to others if I want them to forgive me?  And maybe forgiving will allow me to gain the first 3 of my goals.

I will try harder.

Forgiveness

"You ought certainly to forgive them as a Christian, but never to admit them in your sight, or allow their names to be mentioned in your hearing."

That is the ineffably delightful Reverend Collins, from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Then there's this, spoken by Elizabeth Bennet from the same novel, perhaps the closest of the inimitable Jane's characters to herself, who says "Maybe it’s that I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, or their offences against me. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever."

So suppose someone you love or are fond of does something to hurt you.  Do you forgive them?  What does forgiveness mean in this context?  I am very aware of my own flaws, and it seems to me that if I expect others to "forgive" my mistakes and unkindnesses and all the wrongs I have done ppl over the years, I have to be willing to forgive them.  But what is this "forgiveness"?  Tolerance of others' follies?  Indifference to what they do or did?

Consider it in another way.  After someone you love/are fond of repeatedly hurts you, ignores you, makes it plain they don't care about you, what then?  Well, for me, it's a bit like Elizabeth's Bennet's reaction.  I stop caring about them.  Forgiveness becomes irrelevant.  The warm feelings I once had vanish.  It's as if there is a bank account in me, a bank account of fondness or even stronger, love, and it gets exhausted.  I can pretend to like them, but that's fake.  And anyway, I don't care any more.    And if that person comes to you and asks for "forgiveness"?  What then?  Well, certainly, I forgive.  But it's too late.  Friendship is gone.  And forgiveness is therefore irrelevant.

Forgive and forget, they say.  But what if you just forget, and the deep love or friendship between you dies and cannot be resuscitated?  What does forgiving mean then?

Theodicy

My aunt-in-law had a hard life.  She was brought up by a very strict Calvinist family, and it left her unable to have loving sex with her husband, leading to an unhappy marriage and ultimately divorce   She studied to be a radiographer, and worked hard all her life.  She was always mounting charity drives or cake sales or knitting bees to help those less well off than herself.

She suffered terribly from ill health towards the end, and in the last two weeks of her life was completely senile, abusing her helpers and throwing shit at them: this prim, restrained, polite woman.

My father died in agony from cancer.

My adorable little dog went through hell in the last day or two, and his pain was ended only when we took him down to the vet and had him painlessly killed.

Millions of people spend huge parts of their lives alone and lonely, even though humans are social animals and need other humans to make life worth living.  And then they go through a long decline, in pain and suffering until they die.

Now theodicy is strictly speaking the "explanation" of why God permits evil.  But I'd extend it:  why is there so much suffering?  Don't tell me it's for our own good.  That's feeble.

There is no explanation in my view.  Life just is filled with pain and suffering and evilness.  It's not God's fault, because there is no God.  It's up to us to try and reduce the suffering and evil we see around us.  Heaven and Hell are right here on Earth.  And it's up to us, each one of us, which of those two it is.  And even then, we can't fend off Death or Pain or Suffering.  All we can do is care and comfort.  And love.


[And note how learned these 17th and 18th century intellectuals were:  Leibniz wrote his book in French, though his home language was German.  He could read and write Latin.  How many modern intellectuals could write a thesis in their second language?  And what lovely, kind, intelligent eyes he has!]

Love one another

Christmas day here in Oz.  Not too hot, a little cloudy but the forecast from the Met is that it'll clear up later.  I'm going to drive across the city to fetch my daughter and her guy later -- they're having lunch with his family and dinner with us.  Present giving later today.  No turkey or ham, we're veggies, but we'll have our traditional almond loaf with pineapple slices, plus roast potatoes, peas, roast pumpkin etc.  My lady has made a very rich and quite delicious gluten-free Xmas cake for afters (my daughter and I are wheat intolerant, so we can't eat wheat and we won't eat meat -- makes life awkward) and we have custard and cream and brandy to go with it.  I shall gain 2 kilos.  Sigh.

This coming year I'm going to try and be a better person, less bitter, more organised.  I'm going to keep on counting my blessings: my lady; my kids; my job (I get paid half of nothing but it could be worse!); my garden; my passable health; all of youse.  I plan on losing another 10 kilos this year, and starting working out again.  Going to keep up with the Spanish and drawing, start playing music again, now that the garage conversion is complete and I have space for the piano/clarinet/sax/guitar and all the music scripts and a place to practise.  (As you can see, I am the Prince of Good Intentions)

And I hope all of you have a beaut 2013.  I know that some of you have been in pain this year, and I hope you find solace; some have been lonely, and I hope you find friends; some have been poor, and I hope that changes.

As they say in SA: Ek wens julle almal 'n gelukkige Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige nuwe jaar.  I wish you all a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year.  Where prosperity is broadly defined: love, friendship, companionship, enough money for food and wine which gladdens the heart and a life full of meaning and satisfaction.

Hugs to you all.

Wish

From all blindness of heart, from pride, vainglory, and hypocrisy; from envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness, Good Lord, deliver us.