Mates

 These guys are "porn stars", yet it is obvious that they are also fond of each other.  Religion has screwed up so many things.  Yes, they're not in love.  But they like each other and they have sex with each other, and they're men, but, you know what, the heavens haven't fallen.

Innocent

Showing sex

In my writings and in the pictures I post here, I show sex.  People making love.  People fucking, if you want.  And the thin-lipped sometimes criticise me. 

Let me explain.

Sex is one of the things we do--or would like to--often. It's intensely pleasurable.  It bonds us to our lovers.  It makes the world seem a better place.  And it helps make other ties--love, affection, friendship--stronger.  It's a good thing, and frankly, most of us need more of it.

Now murder is a bad thing.  Yet it is depicted all the time in fiction, and violence and war is shown on TV.   Why is this OK, when showing love isn't?  How many people do you know who've been murdered?  Murder is the great taboo, the great evil, in our society.   It should be the greatest no-no.  It seldom happens, but when it does it makes headlines and provokes sorrow.  Yet many regard sex, especially gay sex, as worse.  When I was growing up, it seemed to me that my parents were more disgusted by gayness than by murder.  And that's obviously perverted. (Just think about it for a minute.)

Very few people, except those who live in unlucky countries, know someone who's been murdered.  But almost everyone has had sex, and often, if they're lucky, made love. And they know others who've had sex too.  When you walk down the street, seeing all the other people, remember that: these people have had sex, some of them many times.  Quel scandale!  Yet we mustn't mention it?  We mustn't show it?  We must pretend it's something unimportant and trivial?  Fuck that.

I have to mark my blog and my writings as "X", "Adult" ,"may offend".  Yet I do not apologise at all, nor do I think showing sex is wrong (it may be tedious, but that's another story).  Sex is wonderful.  We should celebrate it and enjoy it and give thanks for the gift of it.  And I'm going to go on writing about it and showing pictures of it.  And if that offends, well, tough titties.

Bud sex

When Did Touch Between Male Friends Become Taboo? (Source)

The original of this article was in Spanish, but I have attempted to translate it.

What is "bud sex"?  Heterosexual men having sex with each other for pleasure.

A somewhat unconventional way to enjoy sex.

Each person experiences their sexuality how they want to and in the most pleasurable form possible.  With the sexual revolution, this terrain is in every case much broader where there is more space for experimentation.

In that framework, for some time now the term "bud sex" has begun to be used.  This expression refers to sex between male friends.  It is used for those heterosexual men who have intimate relations with another male with the sole objective of getting pleasure.

These men are not bisexual, nor homosexual, nor are they even confused in their sexual orientation: they are simply heterosexual guys who look to get pleasure without emotional or sentimental ties with people of the same sex.

The men taking part in "bud sex" can be married and even have children.  The practice is seen as obtaining sexual relief, caused sometimes by circumstances, for example in prisons, where there is no opportunity to share intimate moments with a woman.

Since these are heterosexual males, pre-agreed rules are set up before coitus so that there is no confusion.  Among those: no kissing, caresses, or any other manifestation of affection, nor to meet up with the other person (too) frequently.

I've been banging on about this for years, just like I've been talking about toxic masculinity: when being gay ceases to carry any stigma, then lots of men will have sex with other men.  "Bud sex" is at the extreme end of impersonal sex.  It's just fucking.

But it is equally possible to have what the French call une amitié amoureuse, a loving friendship, where you are not in love but nevertheless are fond of your sparring partner.  After all, how often does one fall in love?  Yet one may be attracted to someone, and what makes them attractive isn't just their bodies but their smile, their sense of fun, their integrity--those thousand things that draw us to other people, whether sexually or not.  In a world where male-to-male sex is no more noteworthy than male-to-female sex, it will be very likely that there will be buddies who do find each other in some sense attractive, and act on that perception.  And I try and show that in my writing.

The Kinsey scale

Drawn by M diMotta  (click to enlarge)

The truth is that in a world where being gay wasn't considered wrong or "unChristian" far more people would be in the middle categories from 1 to 5.  Why wouldn't you make out with a man you're fond of?  Of course, you might just love him and not find him sexually attractive.  But equally, if same-sex love was as accepted as other-sex love, you might well enjoy a male sparring partner.  Most people would prolly remain "wired" as straight, but a significant minority would not.  Once you stop accepting the orthodoxy, once you step outside of conformity, anything is possible.  Which, naturally, is why conservatives hate it.

We're mates, mate!

Impaled love

Love is so much more than just sex. The very best kind is where your cock is connected to your heart.  These guys may just be porn models, but you can see a genuine connection.  Friends with benefits, and more.

I loves ya

From Gayromantique

Une Grande Passion

Some talk of la grande passion, and I'd be the first to acknowledge deep love is real and wonderful. But sometimes it is just friendship and lust, not grand, not earth-shaking, but still lovely. Too many ppl today are lonely. And maybe you get une grande passion just once in your life. After that it's something gentler and perhaps, because it's not based on chemical and electrical attractions, truer.  To desire is la condition humaine,  to makes friends as human as the thumb (yep, I know apes have thumbs too, and they make friends with their own kind just as we do)

It's only because of generations of religious hostility to same sex love that the obvious still escapes us.

Cheerful leather

Dudes

Horseplay

Mates

Mates

Many splendoured

These two blokes ("Brandon" & "Brent", from Sean Cody) are porn actors.  They fuck each other on camera.  One doubts that they are in fact actors, in the sense that they can convincingly portray an emotion they don't feel.  So their obvious affection for each other is likely real.  It's abundantly clear that they are very fond of each other. For all we know, they might be gay for pay.  I know so many stories of blokes who primarily identify as straight but are nevertheless capable of being very, very fond of another man, of finding him (and only him) sexy and attractive and fuckable.

 Love comes in so many forms.  We love our dog or cat, we "love" chocolates, we love our parents, our children, our friends, our lovers, our spouses, a favourite uncle or aunt or niece or nephew.

Yet, somehow, our culture still devalues sexual love, unless it's in a tightly contained context.  But the truth is that people who are not in love with each other can nevertheless love each other.  When they fuck, they are making love.  Even if they aren't "in love".

We spend a lot of time judging sex by its contexts (are they married? are they being unfaithful? are they ....?) when the really critical factor is love, in all its many splendoured glory.  If you truly care for, are concerned for, value, consider and are affectionate towards your partner, why is is that wrong, or less valuable than the kind of love which is supposed to be the only valid kind?

We are perhaps the most successful species on Earth (except for those species, like rats and dogs and cockroaches, who associate with us) and the reason is that we co-operate. And we can co-operate because we are capable of love, not romantic fluff, but something more solid: the kind of solid fellow-feeling which allows us to interact without slaughtering each other.  Men are capable of loving other men, deeply, even if they are "straight".  Even if they are porn actors.

[I talked about this before, here and here]

Mates

Is it OK?

Is it OK?  We can do something else if you want.

Yeah ... I'll be OK.  It's ... You're ....  Just go slow at first.

 Don't wanna hurt you, bud.

 Nah. It's good. Don't stop.

Affection

"Our affection for others is the one thing that is an infinite resource.  We can never care too much, or for too many."
        Charles de Lint

Drives

We humans have lots of drives and needs: shelter, food, warmth, among others.  But for the most part, in Western countries, these needs are satisfied, and we are left with our unsatisfied needs/drives: love, companionship, and sex.   Oddly enough, though Western capitalism feeds and clothes and warms us, providing (again, for the most part) for our physical needs, it's not very good at filling our emotional needs.

 We are lonely and alone.  We are, most of us, atomistic nothings in giant cities, so big we can never know them fully, so populous we can never get to know everybody.  24% of households have just one person in them.   No wonder so many people have pets!

Suicide in Oz killed 2,272 people in 2011.  And that's those acknowledged as suicide.  Many "single vehicle" accidents, especially in the bush, are disguised suicides.  Interestingly, only 1,277 ppl died in motor vehicle accidents in 2011, only half the official toll from suicide. Drug-related deaths totalled 1388.  Some of these are surely slow-burning suicides.  Note, as an aside, how many resources are deployed to combat road deaths and how few to stop the more numerous suicides and drug deaths.

Ironically, the biggest killer by far is the different forms of heart disease: 26,613 in 2011.  Another 32, 525 die from strokes, prostate cancer, dementia etc, all of which are primarily environment-related.  The excessive prosperity of our system leads to overeating and especially overeating easily prepared and readily available food ("junk food").   Two thirds of Ozzies are obese, double the ratio of 20 years ago.

Just to put it all into perspective, only a little over 200 people a years are murdered.

Our civilisation, then, overfeeds us.  And it's killing us.

How much eating is "comfort food"?

A huge amount of mine is, I know.  We hunger for love and affection; for sexual love, not random encounters; for meaning.  And meaning comes from loving and being loved.

Yet, in a way, the need for sex and the need for love are sometimes opposed.  A man may dearly love his current partner, yet lust after others.  If he satisfies that lust he may destroy the relationship with the person he really loves.  But the need for sex, for "hotness" is very powerful.  We humans like sex, we want more of it, at some deep level within us it fulfills our needs.  But we also deeply want to be loved and to love.

Our culture struggles with these often irreconcilable needs.  We deplore it when famous or wealthy or powerful men break their marriage vows.  Yet so many keep on doing it.  Why?



What we need is less food, less consumption, and more friendship, love and sex.

[ Some previous thoughts on all this:

Our Cheatin' Hearts
Normal Plus
Friends
Friends and Enemas ]



Sources:

All deaths
Road deaths
Drug deaths
Obesity in Australia
Sex at Dawn