Showing sex

In my writings and in the pictures I post here, I show sex.  People making love.  People fucking, if you want.  And the thin-lipped sometimes criticise me. 

Let me explain.

Sex is one of the things we do--or would like to--often. It's intensely pleasurable.  It bonds us to our lovers.  It makes the world seem a better place.  And it helps make other ties--love, affection, friendship--stronger.  It's a good thing, and frankly, most of us need more of it.

Now murder is a bad thing.  Yet it is depicted all the time in fiction, and violence and war is shown on TV.   Why is this OK, when showing love isn't?  How many people do you know who've been murdered?  Murder is the great taboo, the great evil, in our society.   It should be the greatest no-no.  It seldom happens, but when it does it makes headlines and provokes sorrow.  Yet many regard sex, especially gay sex, as worse.  When I was growing up, it seemed to me that my parents were more disgusted by gayness than by murder.  And that's obviously perverted. (Just think about it for a minute.)

Very few people, except those who live in unlucky countries, know someone who's been murdered.  But almost everyone has had sex, and often, if they're lucky, made love. And they know others who've had sex too.  When you walk down the street, seeing all the other people, remember that: these people have had sex, some of them many times.  Quel scandale!  Yet we mustn't mention it?  We mustn't show it?  We must pretend it's something unimportant and trivial?  Fuck that.

I have to mark my blog and my writings as "X", "Adult" ,"may offend".  Yet I do not apologise at all, nor do I think showing sex is wrong (it may be tedious, but that's another story).  Sex is wonderful.  We should celebrate it and enjoy it and give thanks for the gift of it.  And I'm going to go on writing about it and showing pictures of it.  And if that offends, well, tough titties.

Sex scenes

I write sex scenes in my novels and short stories.  Sex is a natural part of life.  How many people do you know who've been murdered? Yet it's OK to put murder, sometimes graphic murder into writing, yet somehow we shouldn't put in sex?  Most of us have made love hundreds or thousands of times, but very very few of us have committed a murder or know someone who has been killed.

Why this absurdity?  Well, like so many things, it's based in religion.  The Abrahamic religions are opposed to the enjoyment of sex, make lots of dotty rules about how and who you should have sex with, and basically regard sex as somethings shameful, which if it has to take place, should only take place in private behind closed doors, and really, only the missionary position is OK, and if the woman enjoys it too much, it's a sin and you'll go to Hell.

Sex is wonderful and good and natural.  All kinds of sex.  In all kinds of positions.  For me, the only law is that you mustn't hurt your partner.  Of course, some people are into pain, and if that's your thing then make absolutely certain it's consensual. But don't be unkind, don't deceive people to persuade them to have sex with you, don't have sex with minors, don't be cruel, make sure your partner(s) has/have pleasure too, and don't treat sex just as a physical thing.  It is one of the most profound ways we can connect.  Humans live inside discrete bodies, and connecting the hearts and souls inside different people  is hard,  Sex and sexual attraction helps us join together.

I'm going to continue to write about people have sex: gays, straights, threesomes.  And I'm going to continue to show how the sex makes them love each other more, even if it's just a little bit more.  We don't have many transcending moments in our lives.  Humdrum rules, no?  So let's rejoice in the pleasure and magic and joy of sex and love, with the emphasis on the love.

Before

Love, Sex and Friendship

I often talk about how these three things intersect.  Then I found this very clever Venn diagram on The Slab.  (Dunno where he got it from!)

It sums it up, doesn't it?   We can't always get into the 'perfect match' centre of the diagram, but maybe any one of the overlapping segments might work quite well.  Second-best isn't always a bad thing.  And it's certainly much better than nothing.

By the way, I think they're talking about romantic love rather than the broader meanings of love when they label one circle "love".