Weight and psychology

When I was a lightie, I had a hellish time at school.  I was (am) Asperger-ish/mildly autistic and I was also effeminate.  In the brutal hell of a boy's school that was enough to make me an outsider and enough to provoke continuous bullying.  In one incident, I was partially blinded in one eye.  To this day, fifty years on, I have to dig deep into my reserves of courage to go into a room of male strangers.

I coped by retreating into my own world, and by eating.  Once a week, on Thursday, we drove into town to do the shopping, and we went to the library.  How magical that was!  I was allowed to take out two books.  I would read and re-read them over the next week, and my favourite way to do this was to lie on my bed sipping a cup of cocoa or eating a sandwich or a bowl of peanuts.  It didn't help that I was part of  family that loved food, and my mother would always push us to "clean our plates", so I would dutifully eat more, even though I was full.

I slimmed down in late adolescence and my early twenties, because I was so busy: surfing, mountaineering, walking, riding.  In those days, young people didn't have cars.  We walked everywhere.  For example, I used to take the train to uni, then walk a couple of miles uphill (U.C.T. is on the slopes of Table Mountain).  I used to ride my sister's horse up our street, which was a dirt road, into the nature reserve on the slopes of the mountain.  I would walk to my friend's house, which was a good five miles each way.  In summer, I would swim a mile 3 or 4 times a week.  My waist was a remarkable 28, my chest 38.

But then I got a desk job, and depression, which, to quote Georges Moustaki:

Ell' ne me quitte pas d'un pas Fidèle comme une ombre Elle m'a suivi ça et là Aux quatre coins du monde


                "ne me quittait pas d'un pas".  When I get depressed I eat.  And drink.

So my weight started to rise,  Every so often, I would go on a strict diet, and my weight would fall, but, my psychological need for comfort would eventually have me going back to what I was doing before.  I tried Weight Watchers, and I lost weight, but I was always hungry.  I tried this diet and that, and they all worked.  Temporarily.  I even tried hypnotherapy.

For a while, running and cycling kept my weight under control,  But then all the running I did damaged my knees and ankles,  Today I can't run at all, and can only walk short distances.  On the other hand, I'm not depressed any more.  Often, actually, I am piercingly happy. Despite my joints!

But now I have an incentive to lose weight.  In a year or so, we will be retiring, to a small coastal town in country Victoria.  I'll tell you more about that in another post.  And if I want to walk along the beach every day, then I will have to lose some weight.  The orthopaedic surgeon said that often in cases like mine, losing a lot of weight helps.  And I really do want to be able to walk on the beach every day.  To wear a speedo without looking like a blimp.   So that's what I'm going to try and do.  I have a real goal now.  Retirement, and my happiness when I am retired.

Road sign at Cabbage Tree Creek
Distances in kilometres

My Weight

Lost a bit more this week.  Still haven't unwound the gains I made over the year-end, but I'm getting there.  0.5 kg ( or just over one pound) a week.  And no depriving myself!  Except for the tea ....

Health Update

Four or five weeks ago I "did" my knee.   I used to run long distances and as I posted here, my running shoes definitely damaged my knees.  That attempt to start running again failed.  Which is pretty sad, because I adore running.  Anyway, running and even walking being impossible, I decided to swim instead.  Don't much like swimming but ... what can you do?  I have to exercise.

But I did my knee at a swim session!  Maybe it was the bouncing around while I was trying to get water out of my ears.  Maybe it was ....  Who knows?

Anyway, a long a tedious program of tests and doctors' visits started.  X-rays.  Ultrasound.  MRI.  And it all culminated in a visit to the knee surgeon on Tuesday.  I had hoped that an arthroscopy would be enough to fix things.  But it was not to be.  I have lost virtually all the cartilage in my right knee.

He suggested three treatment options.

First, glucosamine.  In about 30% of cases it helps, he said (he's a professor at the University of Melbourne and also head of the Royal Melbourne Hospital orthopaedics unit)  It has certainly helped me, even though the Wikipedia article doubts its effectiveness.  My pain (which is often severe) has been greatly reduced.  I'm taking a vegetarian glucosamine (I am a vegetarian).

Second, weight loss.  Losing 25 kgs (55 lbs) is often as effective a treatment as knee replacement.  I've started!

Third, knee replacement therapy.  He says I'm young for that, LOL.  It lasts 15 years or so and then you need to do it again.  I want to postpone that extreme solution as long as possible.

I walk with a stick, which is uncommonly tiresome, and the pain depresses me.  But as ever, I hope for better days!  I am losing weight (1.9 kgs/4.2 lbs since Wednesday); glucosamine does seem to help; and I intend to start swimming again this coming week.

As ever, onwards and upwards.

Car Blues

My car has finally died.  Two years or so ago, the garage advised us that if something went seriously wrong with the car it was not worth fixing.  I thought it would last till June or July of that year.  Instead it has continued working till now. 

So I've been walking to the station (20 minutes for someone as confectus aetate as me, carrying a heavy laptop) and half an hour down to the village.  My knees ache and my ankles ache and my hips ache from all this walking.  I know, it helps me lose weight.  And yes, I know, exercise is good for you.  But when you can hear the bones grinding in your knees, it's not so good, neh?  Anyway, we've decided to get another car next week.  Not a new one (do I look as if I'm made of money?) but one that's only 8 years old instead of 16.

Sic vita est.   Not many months ago we made the last payment on the other car.  Oh well. 

Mustn't grumble.