Just got up to date in Majorca Flats.. U are a great writer Nick. Characters are nicely drawn, likeable, and u make me care what happens to them.
Difficult for me to believe you can write that way about man to man tenderness, and you say you've not had it with the guys you've had sex with. You write so realistically, not cloying, just DTE.. You got a nice imagination!
I suppose empathy comes in to why i was so engrossed..as I can see myself potentially in some of them. Especially Cody... Makes me very glad I've made the decisions that I have.
It made me a little sad. Not because he praised my writings -- I love that. (And thank you, buddy!) I earn no money from what I write, so to have someone tell me it hits the spot is satisfying and pleasing. It encourages me to go on writing.
No, it was because it made me think. And the truth is that no man other than my father, and then only when I was a liitle boy, has ever held me with love. And you know what? Now, no man ever will. All the men who fucked me didn't love me. It was just sex.
Are men capable of love, real love, not just a rush of oxytocin as they come? Love when the man they love is sick or grumpy? Love when he's old and warty? Love, the love which conquers all? I must go on believing that it does exist, and yet .... yet I am starting to wonder. To wonder whether there isn't something in the male psyche, in our genes, which makes it hard for too many of us to love, dispassionately and selflessly. I know there are some men who love other men in this way. And they give me hope, but a general and impersonal hope, because there won't ever be one for me.
There's no point grumbling. It is was it is. And we must bear our burdens without complaining, and I do try to do that (believe it or not!) Other people endure worse. Yet love is so central to our humanity, to our sense of worth, to our happiness. Not money, not possessions.
I never wanted more from the men I loved. And I've never had it.