Saturday, February 21, 2015
This morning (it's Saturday, so I have a lie-in, dozing, instead of getting up at 5.50 a.m. as I do on a weekday) I had a recurring dream. I was in some place I didn't know, but half recognised. And everywhere I went, in despair, trying to find something--anything--familiar, I was threatened by men. Not actually hit, but those sneering, disdainful, mocking looks and comments which we all know only too well.
Interesting that in your dreams what you deep down really think and fear is revealed. And the the truth is, I shall never be comfortable with straights, or indeed with men. Always trying to be "the good kid", trying too hard to be nice and complaisant, always I excite disdain instead of liking or understanding.