Jason my dear,
What a wonderful plan. I phoned British Airways and booked a seat immediately for next week and Parker said I should fly instead on one of those Middle Eastern airlines because they have cabins just like they used to have on the trains in Europe you know the Wagon-Lits but I don't want to fly with some airline that's full of terrorists though Parker told me not to be silly and said they're no worse than us Christians though they wear that hijab thing the women I mean so I don't know. In any case the young lady at British Airways assured me that the seat reclines completely and it's very comfortable and I expect they will ply me with champagne though as you know I never have more than one watery gin. Anyway I booked it for next week, and then I thought to check just as well really because I need a passport. Of course, you knew that, and you did mention visas but I thought Australia was part of the Commonwealth and we're all in this together aren't we with the Queen and stuff. Anyway I phoned the minister in a positive bate to try and get it all done chop-chop and they wouldn’t put me through so I mentioned my full name and said I would phone Lillibet only I called her by her full name and did my icy polite haughtiness though I know I shouldn't in these times what with Labour and The Greens and those Scottish Nationalists but when I put the phone down it rang five minutes later and it was the minister whose son was at school with you it turns out and I was very gracious and said that I simply had to go urgently abroad to visit my Dear Friend Eleanor Cumberledge and I hadn't had a passport since your grandfather died since in those days you could travel on your husband's passport and he bowed and scraped I could hear it over the phone I ask you but pulling strings worked. Parker organised photos it was such fun at a chemist I felt quite giggly and excited like a schoolgirl. I decided not to bring Parker but gave her a holiday and a present to pay for it and said the only condition is that she has to look after Mr Minim and I know he'll pine but he adores her almost as much as me and anyway really I think he's just after my bacon. Well you know what I mean. So she's taking the car and driving down to her sister's holiday cottage in Cornwall though it's winter but Parker says she adores the sea especially on that side of Cornwall where you get the Atlantic breakers. I just hope that all those waves and winter storms don't sweep poor Mr Minim and Parker away like mermaids.
Now I'm waiting with bated breath for the passport to arrive. The photos made me look like a Chinese madam in a Brothel but that's Officialdom for you I could have got that nice man who did Mark's photos to do mine but they have to be done specially according to Parker so I look like death warmed up. If they arrest me because I don't look like the photos at all I shall have to go on a hunger strike or something like those prisoners.
Such a long email I'm getting so good at it it feels like second nature but anyway I wanted to tell you that I'll be getting there next week. On Thursday. I'll send you another email as soon as my new passport arrives with all the details.
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