Jason my dear,
What a wonderful plan.
I phoned British Airways and booked a seat immediately for next week
and Parker said I should fly instead on one of those Middle
Eastern airlines because they have cabins just like they used to
have on the trains in Europe you know the Wagon-Lits but I don't want
to fly with some airline that's full of terrorists though Parker told
me not to be silly and said they're no worse than us Christians
though they wear that hijab thing the women I mean so I don't know.
In any case the young lady at British Airways assured me that the
seat reclines completely and it's very comfortable and I
expect they will ply me with champagne though as you know I never
have more than one watery gin. Anyway I booked it for
next week, and then I thought to check just as well really because I
need a passport. Of course, you knew that, and you did mention visas
but I thought Australia was part of the Commonwealth and we're all
in this together aren't we with the Queen and stuff. Anyway I
phoned the minister in a positive bate to try and get it all
done chop-chop and they wouldn’t put me through so I mentioned my
full name and said I would phone Lillibet only I called her by
her full name and did my icy polite haughtiness though I know
I shouldn't in these times what with Labour and The Greens and those
Scottish Nationalists but when I put the phone down it rang five
minutes later and it was the minister whose son was at school with
you it turns out and I was very gracious and said that I simply had
to go urgently abroad to visit my Dear Friend Eleanor
Cumberledge and I hadn't had a passport since your grandfather died
since in those days you could travel on your husband's passport and
he bowed and scraped I could hear it over the phone I ask you but
pulling strings worked. Parker organised photos it was such fun at a
chemist I felt quite giggly and excited like a schoolgirl. I decided
not to bring Parker but gave her a holiday and a present to pay for
it and said the only condition is that she has to look after Mr Minim
and I know he'll pine but he adores her almost as much as me and
anyway really I think he's just after my bacon. Well you know what I
mean. So she's taking the car and driving down to her sister's
holiday cottage in Cornwall though it's winter but Parker says she
adores the sea especially on that side of Cornwall where you get the
Atlantic breakers. I just hope that all those waves and winter
storms don't sweep poor Mr Minim and Parker away like mermaids.
Now I'm waiting with
bated breath for the passport to arrive. The photos made me look
like a Chinese madam in a Brothel but that's Officialdom for you I
could have got that nice man who did Mark's photos to do mine but
they have to be done specially according to Parker so I look like
death warmed up. If they arrest me because I don't look like the
photos at all I shall have to go on a hunger strike or
something like those prisoners.
Such a long email I'm
getting so good at it it feels like second nature but anyway I wanted
to tell you that I'll be getting there next week. On Thursday. I'll
send you another email as soon as my new passport arrives with
all the details.
Love, grandma
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