Weight and psychology

When I was a lightie, I had a hellish time at school.  I was (am) Asperger-ish/mildly autistic and I was also effeminate.  In the brutal hell of a boy's school that was enough to make me an outsider and enough to provoke continuous bullying.  In one incident, I was partially blinded in one eye.  To this day, fifty years on, I have to dig deep into my reserves of courage to go into a room of male strangers.

I coped by retreating into my own world, and by eating.  Once a week, on Thursday, we drove into town to do the shopping, and we went to the library.  How magical that was!  I was allowed to take out two books.  I would read and re-read them over the next week, and my favourite way to do this was to lie on my bed sipping a cup of cocoa or eating a sandwich or a bowl of peanuts.  It didn't help that I was part of  family that loved food, and my mother would always push us to "clean our plates", so I would dutifully eat more, even though I was full.

I slimmed down in late adolescence and my early twenties, because I was so busy: surfing, mountaineering, walking, riding.  In those days, young people didn't have cars.  We walked everywhere.  For example, I used to take the train to uni, then walk a couple of miles uphill (U.C.T. is on the slopes of Table Mountain).  I used to ride my sister's horse up our street, which was a dirt road, into the nature reserve on the slopes of the mountain.  I would walk to my friend's house, which was a good five miles each way.  In summer, I would swim a mile 3 or 4 times a week.  My waist was a remarkable 28, my chest 38.

But then I got a desk job, and depression, which, to quote Georges Moustaki:

Ell' ne me quitte pas d'un pas Fidèle comme une ombre Elle m'a suivi ça et là Aux quatre coins du monde


                "ne me quittait pas d'un pas".  When I get depressed I eat.  And drink.

So my weight started to rise,  Every so often, I would go on a strict diet, and my weight would fall, but, my psychological need for comfort would eventually have me going back to what I was doing before.  I tried Weight Watchers, and I lost weight, but I was always hungry.  I tried this diet and that, and they all worked.  Temporarily.  I even tried hypnotherapy.

For a while, running and cycling kept my weight under control,  But then all the running I did damaged my knees and ankles,  Today I can't run at all, and can only walk short distances.  On the other hand, I'm not depressed any more.  Often, actually, I am piercingly happy. Despite my joints!

But now I have an incentive to lose weight.  In a year or so, we will be retiring, to a small coastal town in country Victoria.  I'll tell you more about that in another post.  And if I want to walk along the beach every day, then I will have to lose some weight.  The orthopaedic surgeon said that often in cases like mine, losing a lot of weight helps.  And I really do want to be able to walk on the beach every day.  To wear a speedo without looking like a blimp.   So that's what I'm going to try and do.  I have a real goal now.  Retirement, and my happiness when I am retired.

Road sign at Cabbage Tree Creek
Distances in kilometres