“You're strong Lou. I saw it last night. You might be “gay-boy” but you have steel inside you. I don’t feel that about myself, at all. I feel that so far I've just gone with the flow.” Jason knew he had to tell this to Luigi. He had so much to atone for. What was it his nanny had used to say? La moitié fait que commence bien: Starting well means the task's half done. Time to start doing this right.
Luigi put his hand on Jason's shoulder. “Courage doesn't mean not being afraid, Jason. It means doing what's right anyway, even though you're afraid. That's what I've learnt.”
“Yeah, you have courage all right, Lou. But I meant more that you know what's right to do. And you do it.” Luigi had kept on kneading and stroking Jason's shoulder while Jason had been speaking.
“Jeez, Jase! If you only knew!” said Luigi, shaking his head. Still he kept his hand on Jason's shoulder, and Jason felt warmth flow from the hand down into his body, putting him into a trance of contentment and acceptance.
“I'm just going on what I see … saw,” replied Jason, putting his own hand on top of Luigi's. “When Keith was upset about his AIDS status, you launched straight in and comforted him. And I was paralysed. You give this impression … like when you picked me up … that you were a ...” Jason faltered. He was digging himself deeper into the doo.
“ … a little queen?”
“C'mon, Lou! You're ...”
“... a queen. It's OK. It's just the way I am. I'm not ashamed.” But he was, deep down. He was. And he hated himself for that.
[Image from GayTwoGether I think!]
[Image from GayTwoGether I think!]
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