Yet despite all this, he had been prepared to fuck a complete stranger. OK, the stranger had strongly encouraged the whole thing, but Jason was no mere automaton. He'd read somewhere that people rutted like crazed weasels when they thought they were going to die, and maybe it worked like that with grief too.
“Tcha!” he muttered, knowing he was just making excuses. It was his own fault Brent was dead. What can't be cured must be endured. Who was it who first shared this infuriating little aphorism with him? His first nanny, maybe. He dimly remembered a sweet-smelling plump, very kind young woman, who he now realised had adored him. He wondered what had happened to her. He supposed she'd got married, and had her own children. And it suddenly struck him that these surrogate mothers must have got fond of their charges, have grown to love them, and it saddened him that they always moved on.
The nanny after her, Madeleine, had been French and had stayed with them all their childhood. Because of her, Jason could speak an idiomatic dialect French as well as the correct public school version. It had amused him that when he went to visit her at her home village in France after he'd finished at Oxford, the locals who didn't know him took him for another local. Perhaps, he thought, I should have gone there. And then he remembered that eventually they would have looked there for him. Even his parents might have thought about it in the end. Madeleine would never have given him away, but .... Well, if he couldn't stay here in Oz, maybe he could go to France. He'd have no visa problems there because of the EC. And yet, much though he loved France, he felt –oddly – at home here in Australia.
The nanny after her, Madeleine, had been French and had stayed with them all their childhood. Because of her, Jason could speak an idiomatic dialect French as well as the correct public school version. It had amused him that when he went to visit her at her home village in France after he'd finished at Oxford, the locals who didn't know him took him for another local. Perhaps, he thought, I should have gone there. And then he remembered that eventually they would have looked there for him. Even his parents might have thought about it in the end. Madeleine would never have given him away, but .... Well, if he couldn't stay here in Oz, maybe he could go to France. He'd have no visa problems there because of the EC. And yet, much though he loved France, he felt –oddly – at home here in Australia.
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